i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
