is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
We are two peas in an std pod
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
