we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
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and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
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Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
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