i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize