Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
