just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
me + whiskey = a bad person
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
