I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
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Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
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Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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