I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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