Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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