I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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