so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
