You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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