Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
