My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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