i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
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