Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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