I accidentally had phone sex last night
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
