oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
the day after is always just damage control
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
