When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
