I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
