So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
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Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
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He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
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