I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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