It's Friday. Sex?
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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