I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
