Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
