As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
