Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
