i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
and you fell through a lawn chair
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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