no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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