And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Sober January is a disaster.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
this is an emotional support booty call
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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