Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
