Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
