how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
