the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
