I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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