I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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