but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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