You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
