If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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