Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Randomize
