Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
