Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
