Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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