I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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