i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
