Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
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I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
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She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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