she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
