Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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