Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
