Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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