weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
