Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
