Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
