And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Can you bring me the toilet please
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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