at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
My bed smells like the plague
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
