dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
