i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
