so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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