You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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