I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
