no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I'm having to shit out rocks
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
